Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the famous book entitled The Five Love Languages where he helps couples recognize and understand their respective connections through the 5 “love languages”: quality of time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or physical touch.
So what happens when couples get married? Why do dynamics change between the two after the marriage vows were shared on their wedding day? Why do couples suddenly seem to speak different languages but seem to flow in one direction when they were dating or engaged?
My parents once said, “The problem with couples is that as soon as they get married, for some reasons, they take each other for granted in many ways. They forget about taking care of their bodies, they don’t care about the words they use whether hurtful or not, they assume that because they are married it’s ok to do certain things and would say, “Oh – that’s ok, he’s just my husband or she’s just my wife”. The fact is, nothing should change and that as soon as you’re married, couples must actually work on their relationship harder. Marriage is a much deeper commitment. They should still remain attractive for one another, they should matter more now than ever.”
I learned from my mom that I shouldn’t forget about myself and always look the best for my husband especially after having children. She said, “You want to continue to be viable to your husband. Don’t ever forget to care for yourself – always remain attractive, loving and caring. Make sure that he’s your priority in life (and children, of course) – but don’t assume that because he’s already your husband – it’s alright to let go of yourself and not be mindful of his needs.”
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