Dear Yours Truly Readers,
Last week, Chad and I made a dual-purpose trip to California both business and pleasure.
I enjoy our plane rides. We get to relax either by watching a movie shown on air, read a book or we get our quality time just talking about anything in our minds.
I don’t know what came over me but, I asked Chad after being married for seven years, “What matters to him the most?” Did his list change from several years ago even before marriage?
It was comforting to hear that his list hasn’t changed for the most part. It’s simple but profound. Here’s his list; but not in order of importance. 🙂
- Sense of Humor
- Sense of family
I’m no expert nor would I say I have enough experience in marriage only being wed for 7 years. Others would say, children makes a big difference in a relationship; and, I don’t have that either. But, what I know are ideals that I deeply believe, that no matter a couple have kids or not, or married for a short while or otherwise, will work.
- I remember my dad saying, “Don’t make promises. But, not because you can’t keep them but because when you love someone, you don’t promise, you just do it. Such as saying, “I promise to respect you or I promise to be faithful to you”. You don’t promise those things to your partner. It’s expected from you.
- Don’t underestimate the power of “time with and for each other”. No matter how busy you get, whether just the two of you or as a family, don’t just try to commit to carve out time, but rather, commit to spend time with each other. Start a tradition of celebrating just the two of you.
- Take care of each other. Everyone who surrounds you move on. Even your children move on when they get older and start their own families. But, no matter if people have come and gone, you have each other to lean on. So, take good care of your love and partnership.
Chad and I traveled for business last week and had productive meetings with associates. As we waited to board the plane, I decided to text him while he was reading the book “Love in the time of Cholera” (the book that he’s been struggling to finish going on 3 months now!).
Here’s our text exchange:
“You’ve made my life as happy as can be. There’s never a moment that I don’t think about you even on my busiest days. I know that no matter what lies ahead in our future most especially during tough times that you and I will survive them all because we have each other. I have never felt so certain in my life until you became an important part of it. I love you more than words can ever express. I love you much deeper than anyone can ever reach.”
Dear Yours Truly Readers,
Last night, I had such a weird dream (as I’m sure most of us have had!). In it, I was 10 years old and it centered on spending time with my cousins in the summer. I heard so much laughter…
I saw my grandmother vividly. She and I were very close. She passed away from complications of a brain stroke when I was 22, she was 72. I miss her so much.
I couldn’t help but think how my life has been many years after. From my innocent years of 10 playing ball, hide- and-go-seek, or just running around aimlessly until my cousins and I got tired to where I am today.
Think about it.
My friends often tell me that I have very high expectations in relationships and especially in marriage. I understand why we often hear: “Wait until you get married then you’ll see if your husband/wife is still the same” Or, “Sure, you have time for each other now…but, wait until you have children!”
But, does it have to be this way? Do we have to accept the norm?
From my previous blog post: “What Happens When Couples Get Married?” I quoted my mom who once said, “You want to continue to be viable to your husband. Don’t ever forget to care for yourself – always remain attractive, loving and caring. Make sure that he’s your priority in life (and children, of course) – but don’t assume that because he’s already your husband – it’s alright to let yourself go and not be mindful of his needs.”
I’m lucky to have a mom who, at almost 70 years old, still looks stunning and incredibly viable by keeping herself challenged mentally and physically.
So here’s some advice from my mom (and me) so that your marriage continues to “spark” and not “unflicker”:
- Challenge yourself by learning new things – it’s not good to be mundane
- Stay in shape – always look good and sharp
- Ask about their highlights and low lights of the day – it gives you a chance to stop, think, breathe and share (if you have children – include them in the conversation)
- Keep a list of the things you want to improve or accomplish every year as a couple (Please read my blog post: “Love, Life and Leisure: A New Year’s Resolution”
- Take your time to complement each other – it doesn’t matter what it is: his looks, smell, etc. Make sure he feels that you appreciate him and are paying attention to him.
- You MUST do date nights! I don’t care if you already have children…the more you should carve out time for each other (…and when you are on “date nights”…commit to NOT look at your cell phones…texting is also NOT allowed!
- Say “I love you” every day…please trust me…it does make a difference!
If you have other advice, let’s hear it. I’m sure all couples can learn a thing or two. 🙂